All Signs Point To No

This little pièce de résistance is all about the signs, specifically which ones to avoid. It’s one of a three piece series that will hopefully provide you a zodiac GPS.


TAURUS AND SCORPIO

These two are opposites in the zodiac, but they have more in common than other opposites. Both are determined and ambitious, and neither is much of a rover. However, there are two strong wills at work here. Taurus's passionate sexual nature meets more than its match in Scorpio-in fact, the sexual element in this affair borders on the obsessive. But Scorpio's overbearing, possessive, jealous nature makes Taurus simmer with resentment. This is a tempestuous affair, and neither has the tolerance to make the union last.

Translation: Hot Sex + Restraining Order = A Taurus and Scorpio Relationship.


GEMINI AND SAGITTARIUS

These two are opposites in the zodiac and are attracted to each other like magnets. They'll especially enjoy each other's minds for both have wide-ranging and varied interests. Sagittarius tends to be more intellectual, Gemini more social. Both are too restless and argumentative, and both need freedom. They may be disappointed sexually, since neither is demonstrative-and Gemini is very quick to criticize. This affair probably began impulsively and will end the same way.

Translation: When paired, you will be known as the “Tour De Force” couple at the cocktail party but a “Tour De Farce” in the bedroom. Save yourself the awkward “Don’t worry, it happens to everybody” speech and just keep things platonic.

CANCER AND GEMINI

Gemini's sparkle immediately intrigues Cancer, but Cancer won't find security with fickle, fly-by-night Gemini. Basically, Cancer's nature is emotional and Gemini's is cerebral, and that makes it difficult for them to understand each other. Although sexual energies are well matched, Cancer will have a hard time adjusting to Gemini's playful, nonchalant attitude toward love. Possessive Cancer will try to keep Gemini hemmed in, and Gemini can't abide that. It's a short countdown to the finish.

Translation: Cancer, no matter how many times you tell yourself that a booty call is all you want, you secretly know that it’s not true so why set yourself up for failure?


LEO AND VIRGO

Leo is drawn to Virgo's intellectualism, but Virgo doesn't understand Leo's dramatic nature. Leo can't get from cool, reserved Virgo the sexual responsiveness it demands. Virgo is practical and prudent; Leo is extravagant and a spendthrift. Leo likes to live life in a really big way, but Virgo is conservative, frugal and a nit-picker--which puts a damper on Leo's high spirits. Virgo won't be dominated either. Leo needs lots of flattery, but Virgo's tendency is to puncture inflated egos. Both of them should look elsewhere.

Translation: This pairing is the equivalence to a 50 yr old man dating a woman that’s the same age as his daughter. No matter how you spin it, it just doesn’t work out.


VIRGO AND SAGITTARIUS

These two are like the grasshopper and the ant. Sagittarius's free spirit has nothing in common with hardworking Virgo. Sagittarius has a reckless gambler's spirit, while Virgo carefully builds for future security. Both are intellectual signs but the way their minds work clashes with each other. Sagittarius is expansive and extravagant, while Virgo prefers a simple, ordered, and unpretentious life. Sagittarius considers Virgo's sexual attitudes rather prudish, and won't stay long in one bedroom anyway.

Translation: Sagittarius enjoys counting cards at the poker table for an income while Virgo prefers to counting on annuities. These two signs do not add up to love.