Tale of a Ninja Cat

I am known only as Ninja Cat. My long, sleek, black fur makes no sound as I leap from my training compound (which mom keeps calling a carpeted kitty castle) onto your lap. I am able to hide in every corner and wait patiently under any bed for the perfect moment to swat at your feet as you walk by. I come from a long line of Felis Ninjacus which means I was genetically ordained to be a stealthy killing machine. In order to heighten and hone my lethal skills I must train often, never letting myself become a complacent domestic cat. This morning I set my internal alarm for 3:00 am in order to complete a training session. I silently crept over mom as she slept and while sliding off the end of the bed I contemplated which training exercise I should complete. I performed a quick perimeter check to see if there were any rogue spiders that needed to be swatted into submission but there were none to be had so I then decided to exercise my agility skills another way. I stared at the raised corner of the bed, taking note of its height and distance to where I motionlessly crouched. I flicked one long whisker out in order to gauge the wind speed so that I could tabulate the required speed and velocity of my calculated move. With a flick of my tail and a shimmy of my ass I bounded for the corner of the bed with the speed and determination of a freight train. My back legs effortlessly lifted my body airborne and as I approached the landing zone I extended my front paws out to catch the corner of the bed where I would then use my ginsu-like claws to stick to the side of the bed like Velcro. As the plush fabric of the bed fell between my paws I smiled victoriously knowing that this training session would be a success! I sunk my claws mercilessly into the fabric only to realize that I wasn’t maintaining my hold, I was slipping off the bed! In a panic I began digging my way back up the side of the bed, tearing into any fabric that was careless enough to get in my way. The sounds of my panicked thrashing and cloth shredding must have woken my mom, who snatched me from the clutches of gravity and held me up to her bewildered face. Even though adrenaline from the near twelve inch fall was still pumping through my veins I could tell that mom was even more upset as she stared wide eyed at me, then at the shredded sheets, then back to me. I didn’t want her to worry about me any longer so I quickly licked her nose, wiggled from her grasp and hopped off the bed over to my box of toys. Being that it was still dark outside and mom doesn’t have Ninja vision I found a toy that makes ample noise and swatted it about so that she would think I was unscathed by my near death incident. As I mindlessly swatted at the loud toy I stared at the shredded corner of the bed and vowed that I would train day and night until I was able to stick the landing. It’s not easy being a Ninja Cat…