Standard Issue Three Inch Heels

What is the easiest way to spot a female tourist in downtown Charleston? Many say that confused driving, aimless wandering and heat strokes are the obvious symptoms but there is an additional sign of the female tourist that often goes unnoticed, the absence of three inch stiletto shoes. Despite the fact that female tourists visiting Charleston may wander aimlessly they do it wearing tennis shoes or sandals. How is this a tell-tale sign of a tourist? Well, simply put, walking in Charleston while wearing anything other than flat foot wear can be a dangerous situation for both the wearer and the people surrounding them without proper training. Many have witnessed an untrained woman parading around downtown in a pair of three inch stilettos when out of nowhere she face plants it on the sidewalk for no other seeming reason than lack of coordination but there is more than meets the eye. Downtown Charleston is the Bermuda Triangle equivalent when it comes to disappearing balance and grace. Despite the fact that Charleston is known as the “low country”, the streets and sidewalks are subject to change into uneven terrain without warning. Women who have mastered the art, and yes it is an art, of walking the streets of downtown Charleston are highly trained soldiers who have seen more than one agility war in their day. Often dubbed the “Charleston Shuffle” women are forced to rethink their entire walking strategy in order to survive the vast amounts of uneven pavement, cobblestones, grates and the occasional unconscious drunk. The streets of downtown Charleston are fierce battle grounds that require a practical yet aggressive strategy utilizing a highly trained sense of sight and balance. In order to not go down in a blaze of humiliation a woman living in Charleston needs to complete BOOT (Balancing Over Obstacles Training) camp. BOOT camp requires that women complete several stiletto drills in order to prepare herself for combat in all of the Red Zones. Stiletto drills often require women to walk in loose gravel, play hop-scotch and walk backwards while wearing their standard issue three inch heels. These drills heighten a woman’s ability to tackle the many land mines that Charleston’s streets and sidewalks offer. So the next time you take note of a tourist holding up traffic and wandering aimlessly let it be a reminder that anyone can roam the streets of downtown Charleston but only a Standard Issue Three Inch Heel soldier can do it with style.